Gimme a Break!

 Some of my best friends are Republicans. Or, to be more specific, they are a hybrid of fiscal conservative & social democrat. Which is a nice way of saying that when it comes right down to it their pocketbook will be their guide come Election Day. 

This, obviously, is their prerogative. And I'm cool with that.

For all the rhetoric from the Democratic Party this election season about how the One Percenters are "not paying their fair share in taxes", I suspect that the rest of us Ninety-Nine Percenters would make the same choices as Mitt Romney and his peeps if we walked a mile in their wingtips.

I can't recall what year it was, but I once heard Charles Barkley recount a conversation he'd had with his mother about an upcoming presidential election. After telling her that he would be voting for the Republican candidate that year, Mama Barkley was astonished asked how could even think of doing such a thing. "They only care about rich people!" she reasoned. To which her never-at-a-loss-for-words basketball superstar of a son replied: "Mom, I am a rich person."

How often have you heard someone say: "If I had 50 million dollars, I would give half to charity, buy homes for everyone in my family, settle all of my best friends' debt and open a Boys & Girls Club chapter in my neighborhood," or something similar? If I had a dollar for every time I heard a variation on this theme I would have 50 million dollars at my disposal today. But how many people actually take such action when the proposition is real as opposed to theoretical?

   As altruistic as you and I imagine we'd be if we lived on the sunny side of I'm Rich Biatch Street, nothing precludes the human instinct of self-preservation. When people acquire vast sums of cheddar-- whether via success in the NBA, on Wall Street, a Mega-Millions Lottery windfall, dumb luck or an inheritance-- the instinct to preserve that capital is hard-wired into the DNA. As is the desire to keep acquiring more and more. Humans also tend not to know when we have enough. Which is pretty remarkable, because in spite of not being able to regulate our own greed we are masters at calculating the precise moment when other people have had enough. At which point words like "greedy bastard", "the little people" and "fair share" start creeping into the lexicon and our psyches.

To be sure, there are exceptions to this rule: people like Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mother Theresa whose choices are dictated by what serves the greater good as opposed to personal gain. But let’s face it. Most people are not exceptional. We are who we are. And 99% of us are just like Charles Barkley.

That Mitt Romney's tax cuts will be very good for small businesses, corporations and wealthy Americans is inarguable. And a recent visit to Family Court in downtown Manhattan with a friend was all the evidence I needed that Republicans have a very valid point when they claim that our government is bloated, inefficient and wasteful to a nearly criminal degree.

That said, there is more than one way to calculate whether or not Mitt Romney will be an asset when it comes to America's bottom line. And I hope that some of my best friends will consider all sides of the equation before casting their votes on November 6th.

 "You might not be ready for diplomacy with Beijing if you can't visit the Olympics without insulting our closest ally.”

-Barack Obama

When President Obama spoke these words at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, NC last night, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up because I've been making the same point to my Republican friends for the past seven months. But for some reason, I haven't been getting through to them.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that the last thing my Economics 101 professor at Wesleyan said to me before encouraging me to find my smile in somebody else's classroom (Hello, English Department!) was: "Gail, Economics is not for everyone. For some people, it can be like banging your head against a brick wall. It's just not worth it." Sure, my pride was wounded, but I was secretly relieved for the mercy killing. In fact, my eyes still glaze over when people talk about things like CMBS's [Collateralized Mortgage Backed Securities], CDS's [Credit Default Swaps] or QE3's [not to be confused with the heir apparent to the QE2: the QE3 is a Quantitative Easing Three]. (Can you tell my money-managing honey helped me with these fancy fiscal terms?!). 

Still, tyro that I am-- even I know that the first law of commerce is: "If I don't like you, I ain't gonna' do business with you." 

A lot of people around the world do not like Mitt Romney.

When the then-presumptive GOP nominee's ill-timed, ill-conceived and ill-informed question  the UK's preparedness for the Summer Olympics offended London's Mayor Boris Johnson and turned Romney into the laughingstock of the British press-- my knickers were in a twist back home.

I was embarrassed for the United States after hearing Romney's confrontational tone at last week's Republican National Convention, and found it reckless of him to announce: "Under my presidency our friends will see more loyalty, and Mr. Putin will see a little less flexibility and more backbone." 

Hell, I'd like to see less Gary Cooper circa: "High Noon" and more statesman in my president, but maybe that's just me.

Even his well-intentioned tribute to a true American hero at the Convention devolved into an inelegant rant when Romney bellowed: "And I don't doubt that Neil Armstrong's spirit is still with us: that unique blend of optimism, humility and the utter confidence that when the world needs someone to do the really big stuff, you need an American." 

Really?!

I wonder what Jesus Christ, Confucius and Albert Einstein would have to say about that? Never mind those still paying the ultimate price for W's determination to show American muscle when diplomacy might have been more effective? 

But back to that man who took one giant leap for mankind... 

Contrary to Hollywood stereotypes of astronauts as testosterone-fueled macho men, Armstrong had a reputation for being extremely humble, unassuming and even shy. Something tells me that Romney's co-opting the original Moon Walker's good name for political gain probably left him rolling in his grave. While I was left wondering what it would take for American's to keep Romney on a shorter leash, if not muzzled, when representing his countrymen on a global platform.

Is this the man business leaders want to have as the face of American commerce worldwide?

Is this the best our country can offer when the really big job of bridge-building is on the line with emerging markets in China, Brazil, Russia and India?

Can we really afford to have a leader whose foreign policy is "stuck in a Cold War time warp", as President Obama has asked?

Like I said, I may not be a genius when it comes to finance, but any kid running a lemonade stand can tell you there is always a cost associated with doing business. 

What price is the American public willing to pay for a commander-in-chief who already has a well-documented record for losing friends and inspiring negative headlines when he takes his show on the road? 

Will the personal gain of an individual tax break balance the deficit of having to live, work and play in a world where fractured relationships and ill-will toward the United States is on the rise?

If past is prologue, I guess we already know the answers to these questions. 

But I'm still putting my money on some of my best friends who, at the end of the day, can spot the difference between a good deal and a deal-breaker from a mile off.

Strange Fruit

If being an Ugly American were an Olympic event and I was a judge the bronze medal would have gone to Gardiner Harris this week.

And he should count himself lucky because if I were his boss Harris would have been in possession of a pink slip instead.

While listening to NPR's Morning Edition I heard Harris conclude an interview with host Steve Inskeep: "It's a strange place on normal days, and of course, when the power goes out gets even stranger."

http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=157699856&m=157699835

The topic was the blackout in India, and while Harris's color commentary would have been questionable had he been a rank amateur, it really rankled once I learned that he is the New Delhi correspondent for the New York Times.

Thankfully, power has been restored to India's electrical grids, but I am still in shock over the sophomoric word choice of a presumably impartial journalist, sophisticated traveler and representative of the United States abroad.

To whom was Harris speaking when inferring that India was "a strange place on normal days"? What, for that matter, is his benchmark for "normal"? Does he assume that NPR listeners worldwide must share his background, life experience and point of view? Or is he totally oblivious to the fact that only a relatively privileged observer might conclude that New Delhi was a "strange" place?

A privileged observer, I might add, completely deprived of good manners.

That Inskeep didn't call out his colleague on the gaffe was as disconcerting to me as the blunder itself. Which is why I've spent all week telling myself that the time constraints which come with doing live radio, rather than cultural insensitivity, were likely to blame for the oversight. Yet, in my heart I know the rationalization is my only defense against self-combustion at the thought of American hegemony going unchecked.

I have been to New Delhi, and readily admit to the countless times the expression "Holy cow!" leapt from my lips. Whether trying to navigate densely packed roadways-- where bicycles, pedestrians (both biped and bovine) and motor vehicles all jockeyed for the same precious few inches-- to happily lingering in the chicest airport terminal I have ever seen, I found the metropolis a study in the ancient and cutting-edge. The attendant contradictions, surprises and frustrations for Western travelers like me and Harris are to be expected; but if the first rule of travel, never mind journalism, is to go with the flow then the second should be to mind one's tongue and not give offense to one's hosts.

The Ishana Boutique: Indira Gandhi International Airport

Apparently, Harris never got this memo.

In any language, the word "strange" has a pejorative ring to it, thus no place in a professional's vocabulary when called upon to sum up his or her experience of an entire nation. Particularly when that nation has arguably set the gold standard for hospitality and warmth to international travelers, as has India in my mind.

Photography: Courtesy of Denise Malausséna

And while we're on the topic of precious metals: after the performance he turned in last week can anyone be more deserving of a gold medal in the Ugly American category than Mitt Romney ?

Following his disastrous trip to Europe and the Middle East, the politician hell bent on proving his prowess as a statesman not only demonstrated a tin ear for diplomacy, but managed to make Harris look like Dag Hammarskjöld in the process. From insulting Londoner's by questioning their preparedness for the Olympics to enraging Palestinians by stating that Israel's prosperity was owed to the "hand of providence", the Mitt Wit had me cringing on a daily basis.

If there's one thing I hate more than a stereotype, it's having to watch knuckleheads reinforce them in mixed company. By this measure-- and believe me when I say I never thought I'd say this-- I could not wait for Mittens to come home.

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Romney's traveling press secretary, Rick Gorka, who also distinguished himself in the Olympics of Obnoxion when he unleashed the now famous, if contradictory, coup de grâce: "Kiss my ass! This is a holy site for the Polish people. Show some respect." upon a cabal of reporters cheeky enough to demand a quote from Candidate Romney during his visit to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier in Warsaw.

My personal aversions to pots calling kettles black aside: I have to admit that Gorka's last point was a good one. In fact, I pray he will learn to follow his own advice where showing respect is concerned. Now that he's been benched, or-- as the political parlance goes-- is taking time off to be with his family from the Romney campaign, Gorka has all the time in the world to brush up on the skill set.

It goes without saying that Gorka sealed his fate when he cinched the silver medal last week, but his victory was pyrrhic at best as the rest of the world publicly fed on the lowest hanging morsel from a bumper crop of strange fruit coming from America. Hell, even I was left to wonder "Who are these people?" And I am one of them... by birth if not temperament, at least.

Is it too much for this fellow-American to ask that Gorka or any high-profile American traveling internationally be housebroken before being permitted to leave home? That they understand the world is watching and listening? That they recognize how their words have weight and their actions have consequences? That they acknowledge how they represent not just themselves, but you and I... for better or worse? And that any apparent ignorance  of these fundamentals truths on their parts will no longer be acceptable?

My questions are not rhetorical. Nor am I saying that we the people must agree with every viewpoint of our ambassadors (both formal and informal) abroad. We can, however, mitigate potential worst-case scenarios by holding our representatives to a higher standard. By insisting that they listen more and speak less. That they humble themselves and travel with the expectation of learning as opposed to teaching. And, at the very least, that they get comfortable with being an observer as opposed to being the center of attention whenever and wherever they enter.

Unfortunately, Americans are not exactly renown for any of these traits, but hope springs eternal.

Watching young Olympians like Gabby Douglas, Michael Phelps and Missy Franklin charm their hosts in the UK and the global community at large makes me very hopeful that the Ugly American yoke can be lifted from our collective shoulders in my lifetime. But the yoke's on us if we think we can keep unleashing the likes of Romney, Harris, Gorka upon unsuspecting neighbors without first teaching our old dogs some new tricks. And if I were appointed headmistress of this obedience academy, nobody would graduate without first living up to the motto : "Just because you're thinking it doesn't mean you have to say it out loud."

...which, come to think of it, would work as nicely in our own backyards as it would abroad.